Sometimes when I look back at my wedding experience, I wish I had been more of a bitch.
Okay…maybe the term bitch is a little overkill, but I definitely could have been much more assertive. Most people who know me would say that I usually have NO problem speaking my mind or standing up for what I believe is right. This is something I love and also hate about myself. On the one hand, it’s awesome that I’m not afraid to say what I think and always stand up for what I’m passionate about, but wearing my heart on my sleeve has gotten me in trouble quite a few times. As I’ve gotten older I have become much more selective about the things I chose to vocalize because I ‘ve learned the importance of picking my battles. When it came to planning our wedding I refused to be labeled a bridezilla and ended up going way too far in the opposite direction. I decided that I would be super chill and laid back about everything. I wouldn’t ask for help with anything. I even kept quiet about things that upset me or hurt my feelings, like my friends not being there for me or my grandma peer pressuring me into ordering a traditional wedding cake.
Sometimes it seems like if a woman is outspoken about things she’s automatically labeled a bitch. Or in wedding world she’s a “bridezilla”. I don’t think those terms don’t do women any favors because they discourage us from being authentic and assertive. I’m not saying there aren’t real bridezillas or bitches out there…have you seen the show Bridezillas? Now, those are some bitches. By telling you not to worry about being called a bridezilla, I’m not saying text your bridesmaids and tell them they have to lose ten pounds to be in your wedding. But if one of your bridesmaids shows up an hour late to your bridal shower, don’t be afraid to tell her she hurt your feelings. Basically, don’t allow the FEAR of being labeled with a particular title to take away your voice. You don’t have to be a jerk to get your point across, but make sure you are heard! I wish I had spoken up in a firm, polite way instead of letting things slide. I wish I had told people how I felt. Although I was trying really hard not to become a bridezilla, I ended up becoming something I really dislike…passive aggressive.
What I’m trying (and probably failing miserably!) to say is that you don’t want to look back one day and regret a choice that was made or harbor resentment towards a friend because you were afraid if you spoke up you might be labeled a beyotch or a bridezilla. You only get one wedding day and you don’t want to let what someone else thinks or a name someone else might call you get in the way of being authentic. Moderation(whichI work on every day) is the key here. There can definitely be a fine line between being assertive and being a jerk, but at the end of the day being true to yourself and to your marriage will never steer you wrong!
P.S. If it is really hard for you to speak up and let your voice be heard, don’t be afraid to voice your concerns and feelings with someone who isn’t afraid to speak up on your behalf. I think it can also be pretty helpful to have an advocate by your side!