I had pre-written another post to share with you guys today in honor of my first anniversary as a wife. But I woke up feeling emotional and decided to write what was on my heart this morning instead. I feel like this post is borderline on almost OVER sharing and some people might even say that it is. But I think that emotional posts are the most relatable and if there is even one person who can relate, I feel like it was worth it to share.
It’s time for me to make a confession. Actually, it’s not so much of a confession as it is just an admittance of something a lot of people might not know about me. I was adopted as an infant and brought to the United States from Korea when I was four months old. You might be wondering what that has to do with my marriage, but it has everything to do with it. Although I always knew my parents loved me more than anything (and I had four parents who love me to death) and my sister loved me just as much, I think there was a part of me that for a long time was very lost and confused. And I never really understood why I felt that way until I met John and finally felt like I was where I belonged.
It might sound weird to other people, especially those who are not adopted, but I have never really felt like I was accepted by others until John. His acceptance isn’t the unconditional love of parents who got to know me as I grew up into who I am today. It isn’t the easy camaraderie that you share with friends who know the persona you have put together for yourself. It’s the love of the CHOICE of someone who has gotten to know me over five years time, who has lived with me, cried with me, and put up with me when I’m a jerk. We lived together three years and he STILL decided to show up on our wedding day. What means so much to me, is that he has seen me at my worst and still chose to commit his life to me. And after a lifetime of being afraid of abandonment and unconsciously being hurt by that first choice my biological mom made for me, having someone stand up and say in front of all the people closest to us that he will love me forever is the best thing I feel like I will work the rest of my life to deserve.
To me, marriage means we both had a choice. And I was chosen for real this time by somebody who knows the real me.
Photo by Jodi and Kurt of Jodi Miller Photography