Okay…so it’s confession time on the blog today: I’ve had a REALLY rough few weeks or so. More nights than I’d really like to admit have ended with wine (and whine?) and tears.
So, why am I stressed? I’M FREAKING SCARED. I’m about to head into the off season months for the first time as a full time photographer, my income is incredibly unpredictable, and I have no way to know for sure that I’ll ever book another wedding or if I’ll be able to pay my monthly bills after a certain point next year. Being self employed is amazing and I love it, but it’s really really scary sometimes, especially if you are like me, and you need parts of your life planned out carefully. There’s no guaranteed paycheck waiting for me every other Friday, but there are still lots of bills that come in monthly like clockwork. I worry that I will fail. That I won’t make my booking goal for 2013. That my work sucks and no one will want to book a crappy photographer. That my prices are too low or too high. That people unliked my Facebook page. As a professional worrier, I think a little bit of worry is sometimes good. It keeps you on your toes. But lately my worrying has become toxic…it’s taken a toll on how I view my business, how I look at myself as a person, and my overall mental health.
The other day I saw this picture that said “It’s not happy people who are thankful, it’s thankful people who are happy”. This really resonated with me because I know that I have spent so much more time lately being negative than being thankful, and THIS IS WHY MY LIFE FEELS SO OUT OF CONTROL. At some point, I think I stopped being grateful for what I HAVE. I’ve been doing pretty much nothing but think and say negative things about my business. Instead of being proud of how far I’ve come, I just bash myself for not getting where I want to go fast enough. Instead of having faith that my business will grow next year as it did this year, I focus on my fear that it will shut down.
I am grateful to be a 25 year old female who owns her own business. There are lots of places in the world where this wouldn’t be possible, even today. And there are lots of people who are like I was…in jobs that they hate making less than a livable salary. I’m fortunate that I have been successful enough to leave my full time job my first full year as a wedding photographer. I have a husband who would never let me starve. And I’m already half way to my 2013 booking goal. I’ve made new friends and seen so many new places because of this incredible career. I get to work with my cat every day and do the wobble on the regular. Maybe my life isn’t ideal, but no one’s life is. And though the fears and worries seem to be consuming my life right now, they aren’t what I will remember years from now when I look back on this time in my life. I won’t remember how much I had in my bank account, or the exact number of weddings I booked, how many inquiries came in, or if I blogged every day. I’ll remember how amazing it was to be able to take a chance on something that I loved doing and live my dream.
Love that quote! You’ve got this girl.
keep your head up, girl! you and your business are doing great things! i’m glad i’ve been able to see you grow through this process. i remember when you still worked at your other job and were thinking about going full time with photography. you have grown so much and are still growing. it’s awesome to see! don’t give up and have some faith! i think you’re doing great! 🙂
Just keep pushing. I think every new change brings some serious fear in all of us (or at least the professional worriers in the bunch, totally feel you on that one!!) But you just have to trust that everything will work out and that everything will be ok in the end! You rock at what you do, I can’t believe how much you’ve grown even since I met you less than a year ago! You will do amazing things in 2013, have faith dear friend!
Welcome to the world (and mindset) of the Wedding Photographer! It IS hard, and off season is the worst 🙁 I have been self employed doing this for 12 years now…it doesn’t get any easier, or less worrying. However…Do not lose faith in yourself or your lovely work. As soon as you doubt your work, your clients will doubt your work. Take the down time to do some marketing, get some wannabe models or friends and book a shoot, it’s free, it re-lights your passion in photography, it gives you new stuff for your folio and above it it helps your mental state. Take inspiration from what other photographers are doing, but don’t get bogged down thinking everyone is better than you, and everyone is doing better than you. They are not! You are the best 😉 If all this fails..drink some more wine x
i love this. i love your honesty. i think we all feel this way a lot of the time, but when it’s happening to “me,” it’s hard to snap out of it. putting things into perspective is so helpful and encouraging. thanks for this!!!!
Katie,
You are a wonderful photographer and a great person. Stop being so critical about yourself and your work! You have great talent and I’m sure anyone around you can tell you that girl! 🙂
PS. Not every photographer is willing to do the wobble and that makes you much cooler!
Dreama
1. I love that quote! It is one of my favorites.
2. Don’t let the fear cripple you! It is natural to feel worry and fear about all of this – but if you let yourself focus on only that- it can be difficult to grow. You have to just push through it and focus on the positive. Take actions in your business – because action will get rid of the fear. I promise! You got this Katie!
3. This is the part where I blast Florence & the Machine’s “Shake It Off” & dance around like a mad woman! “Because it’s hard to dance with the devil on your back – so shake him off!”
xoxo!
You aren’t alone girlfriend! Stay positive and continue to move forward. You are doing a fantastic job so far!!! You have the support! xoxo
You got this!!! You need a social media detox! Take a weekend off from looking at anyone else’s ANYTHING. Spend it with Lucy and John and dream big about all the things YOU’RE going to do, not what anyone else is doing. Believe me, I know exactly where you are and I feel it a lot too, but the ONLY person you have to please is yourself and YOUR clients. There are not many people that can make the leap within the first year and you’re one of them- that is AMAZING 🙂
Hi Katie,
When I met you, your name was Katie Hill, and I found your post on Craigslist as a photographer looking to build your portfolio. You agreed to meet me on a cold, overcast day at Norfolk Botanical Garden, and took these charming pictures of my little boy who had just turned one. I was so impressed at how you captured his expressions that day, as were my friends and family.
I am in awe of how far you’ve come. Now you’re married, taking gorgeous pictures of memories that people will cherish forever. You capture these beautifully composed shots, and have managed to create a brand for yourself – all on your own ambition and talent in less than 2 years. How many people can attest to starting and maintaining a successful business in a down economy? Yet you have managed to do so.
Be encouraged. You have been and are doing a great job. 🙂
YOU ARE AMAZING!!!!!!! I just love this and I am so so proud of you…not only for how far you have come, but for choosing to be thankful for all the things you do have! I love you katie!!! Thanks for being the best photog bff ever!!!!!!!