Semi-recently I made a discovery about myself and the way that I’ve been running my business as well as my life. It was one of those lightbulb moments and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I’m running my business (and life) based upon a fear of REJECTION. Is that crazy or what? I realized that this fear of rejection was a theme that was almost overshadowing the business I worked so hard to create. It was holding me back in more ways than I could imagine.

As soon as the thought popped into my head I knew it was an undeniable truth. I have mentioned it on the blog before, but in case you didn’t know, didn’t remember, don’t care, I’m adopted. Standard adoptee disclaimer: I love my adoptive family. They da best. Okay! Now that the disclaimer is out of the way I can admit freely that being adopted…or rather being surrendered for adoption has shaped me so much as a person and has influenced almost every choice I’ve made in life and has even affected the way I run my business. Being given up for adoption has been one of the defining moments of my life….even so much so that the date I was given up for adoption was my husband’s second birthday. August 24, 1987.

You might be wondering to yourself how in the world all of this personal information really pertains to my business. Am I just oversharing random information? I swear I’m not! This is a legit post and I promise that some of you will be able to relate to the things I’m saying if you bear with me and read on!

So then, how does my fear of rejection manifest itself in my business?

1. I’m too afraid to say no to people.
Saying no is HARD. I mean, you want people to like you and people like hearing yes. In the past I’ve taken on more work than I could handle because I didn’t want someone to be upset with me if I said no. I gave discounts where I maybe shouldn’t have because I was afraid I wasn’t worth the full asking price. I did extra work for free because I was afraid people would be mad at me if I told them no. This is such a terrible way to do business! I think this one is especially hard for women, because a lot of us are people pleasers! I wouldn’t say I’m a people pleaser by far, but I’m definitely saying YES more than NO because I’m afraid of how someone might feel about me if I say no and they don’t like it.

2. I don’t put myself out there. One of the most important things I took from Mary’s talk at What’s Next was that in order to get things or have opportunities you have to ASK. People aren’t just going to knock on your door and ask you to do whatever it is you really want to do. They aren’t going to come looking for you….you have to ask. I have never been an asker…even when I was a little kid I would make my sister ask our mom if we could have cookies. My LITTLE SISTER. I was so afraid to hear no even as a child I didn’t ask for what I wanted. I didn’t realize til shortly after Mary’s talk that this old fear from years and years ago was really starting to keep me back! When I look down the list of the things I would really love to happen for my business, many of them will never come true if I don’t have the guts to ASK...No one will pay me what I’d like to make if I don’t ask for it. My work will never be featured in print if I don’t submit it. I won’t ever have the chance to do a workshop or mentoring sessions if I don’t say out loud that’s what I want.

3. I take things too personally. Personal rejection is an unfortunate by product of having your brand revolve around who you are as a person and a photographer. My brand is so closely related to who I am as a person that I sometimes find it hard to not take it personally when someone chooses another photographer or unlikes my Facebook page. I know this is so silly because most people don’t go with another photographer because they didn’t like the other choice or unlike a page because they hate who that page represents on some kind of deep and/or spiritual level or anything, but it’s hard sometimes to not let it get you down. There was one week when three-four people unliked my page a day. A DAY. Ouch. And it seemed to me that they unliked my page after something I had posted. I started to feel AFRAID to post new things because I was worried about offending people or making them dislike me enough to click “unlike” on my page.

My goal this year is to run my business more fearlessly. To do what’s best for me, my business, and my family without worrying if it will make someone unhappy with me. To dream big dreams without worrying if people will judge me. And to be myself without being afraid people won’t like who I am. There are always going to be people who like you and people who don’t. The key is to stop living based on what other people might think or feel and to start living for yourself.

I went back and forth with myself over whether or not to post this…It seemed so silly to type all these things out, but I decided that there are probably others who may be running their businesses this way too and not even know it. And even if it isn’t as big of an underlying theme for everyone else, I think there are certain elements of this that everyone can relate to. Rejection is a universal fear and I think it can be healthy to fear it a little bit…but when it’s affecting the way you run your business and live your life…when it’s holding you back from doing the things you really want to do, it’s a problem!